my husband never wants to go anywhere

There is one of three reasons . You are so VERY right. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. If friends tend to be the parents of our kids teammates, school friends, etc. If someone's lack of response has become a. Ughhhh. This is not an all-inclusive list. Its my own sort of therapy to keep myself outta trouble. Since monogamy is an ongoing choice, its something that has to be inspired over the long term. That obviously will take a while. I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. An issue my husband never wants to do anything with me could also mean that hes an introvert and he just needs some time alone to recharge. Was he responsible for me cheating on him? Im glad its over for you. You have your sons hearts, love, support, and respect. Actually.. I know now that the only sure thing in this world I can depend on is myself. While you may feel like youre being neglected, its important to remember that this period wont last forever. Thank you, EG! That too is wrong. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. This came to our email by mistake. It's good for your health and can be a nice ritual for discussing your plans for the day. If your spouse is dealing with depression or anxiety, they may not want to do anything, let alone spend time with you and your family. ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Weve been married 42 years. 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. My h and I were the same, it was my h brokenness stress and depression, midlife crsis (he had these dreams of retiring at 40) too, we hadnt argued, I was loving, faithful and there for him, there was really no reason for this to happen to us. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. I loved snowboarding, my friends, my dogs, and of course, travel. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. I don't know the answer but I'll be looking for that pdf to read as well!! Things have evened out quite a bit and we have some nice little teamwork going on. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. Two key things: our passion and our principles. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. Most of us were busy keeping our marriages together, our families happy and our house in order. ALWAYS. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. So now I feel like if were not doing something exciting all the time Im gonna lose her again. Healthy communication is consistently cited as one of the most important elements of a successful marriage. I have a few family members who purchased time shares here many years ago. People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in.. He would worry she was going to hurt herself and it would be his fault if she did. Not a legacy to be proud of. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. I have lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband cuts that down. Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. Admitting that, its natural if you have those sentiments and are furious at him. You endured much more than most would be able to. Guess thats why she cant keep a man or have a real relationship. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! Feminize me, fuck me, and make me yours. And that choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment. The affair partner wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. I dont think we should ever let ourselves fall into the boredom trap either, but I am so tired (as the betrayed spouse) of feeling like I need to become a one woman circus to keep the interest going. Me too. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. This is a big red flag, and my advice is to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and discuss this with someone there because. and we started dating. So you are either In or Out on this one. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. If your husband is cheating on you, its crucial to confront him and figure out what to do next. As a result, I feel unimportant, invisible, and alone. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, "I have to be in control." 2. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. FCOL, it makes TOTAL sense. Our social lives can revolve a bit too much THROUGH our kids. I kind of envy the people who say.we were on the verge of divorce before the affair and I can kind of see why it happened. For example, if you dont share his love for football, he may feel like it would be a waste of time. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. Do you ever feel that your husband is getting further and further away from you? Samantha Rodman Whiten September 28, 2018. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. Make sure . All through his fog. It can take months for them to grasp the idea that they and they alone are responsible for the choices they made and the ensuing crap storm that resulted. Anonymous. Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. If your husband used to spend a lot of time with you and now you complain: my husband never wants to do anything with me, it can be confusing and hurtful. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. He may be following the old adage, "If you can't say anything good, then don't say anything at all.". Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. It can only be inspired. You have to commit, for better or worse. It runs in his family and he has suffered with it and sleep disorder for years. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. Instead of demanding his time, try giving him some space to do what he enjoys. In contrast my H is in the worst shape hes ever been and for the first time I see him slightly worried about how he compares to the men I must see at the gym. At least you are trying. Like threatening to kill my cats, destroying my property, etc. Oh bless you it really does sound very similar.. to the poster who suggested getting others involved, without going into too much detail I did just that. Over time I discovered that her POSOM didnt spend a dime on herexcept for cheap hotel rooms. What to do if my husband doesn t like spending time with my family? Im in the best shape of my life and I blame the dirtbag she affaired with for that, not that hes better looking than me by any means, but the second I picture his face and dream about ripping him limb from limb my workouts get very intense. I handled it FAR better than he did, and I think I should be the one ranting and raving over how bad it made me feel. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. he says he feels indifferent even to his family. So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. Some people journal, but you dont get any input so that turns into a bitch fest/pity party if you arent careful, llol. Im just so tired of him and all of this. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. Absolutely 100%. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. This means monogamy cannot be forced. I do need to add it wasn't my finest moment, and I'm not proud of this. I only vent here. She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. and weve been together 3. we have a son. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. My H never wants to do anything and has called his existence dead with me and that she awakened him. 1. What are some things that you do to try and keep the passion alive and kicking? As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. And not much of it was very good at all. If this is a recent development, you may be wondering what went wrong and how to fix it. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Told me why now when he doesnt care. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. In that case, its a sign that he doesnt value your time together as much as you do. She got to screw another guy for 2 years and I was now bending over backwards trying to make her happywth? Agreed. When approaching your husband about this, don't criticize or apportion blame as this can put the other person on . On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. Just a little! What I thought would come back to me at some point (like a true relational marriage), is no longer my dream. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. one of the bs excuses my wife made after her affair was how shed found new excitement. I busted my ass for 2 years afterward trying to keep her stimulated with things to do, trips, vacations, outingswhatever. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) Our friends and their issue were on-again, off-again topics of discussion between Linda and I for a few days after our night out. or situations/content involving minors. I commented on his IG. One thing I have done in the past is move along too quickly, so I end up in Crap again. For ME, the absolute foundation of monogamy is my commitment to that very principle. Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. We have a son who lives in Australia and he would not even go see him. Sometimes guys just don't know how to say things. I usually dont think of him at all. They didnt really do anything or go anywhere special together and to the casual observer, certainly not anything or anywhere exciting. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. When your partner has your back, they'll be able to say those three important words sincerely and out loud in front of other people. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you! But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. If you suspect this is the case, youll need to have a serious conversation about whats going on and how its affecting your relationship. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! He never raises his voice. I wonder at times how my h felt when he looked at himself in the mirror while his eyes mind was battling with his heart and soul. Suppose your husband has started working longer hours, studying for a big test, or training for a marathon. Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. Hes preoccupied with other things. Plan a weekly date night where you go out to dinner or see a movie, Go on weekend trips together even if its just for a few hours, Make time for a weekly game night or hobby night, Exercise together this can be anything from going for a walk to playing tennis. You can also look for ways to connect during the day, like taking a walk together or sharing a coffee break. Stupid. But I, like you, intensely feel like the decades of marriage, taking care of everything (house, kids, social life and working myself), has led me nowhere. I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. Ugh. Over the years, she had torn down my self esteempiece by piece. I stayed home with the kids, took care of all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc. I want to see that worried look on my h face, but you know Im not sure I will see it, I was looking good while in his affair fog and he still told me I could lose more, I painted the whole house on my own and he put that down too, all while in the fog. Well, my court date for Friday was cancelled because the ex couldnt make it. If hes unwilling to make any changes, you might have to accept that this is how things are and find ways to occupy your time when hes busy with other things. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. It ticks me off because I loved and supported him and he knew it. If theres one thing that does not exist in a long-term marriage its that feeling of newness. My ex made out very well during the pre-trial. Trash is its own reward. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me; it hurts. I am sure that when most of us look back they realize how little effort the cheater put into any of those things prior and during the affair. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. Push me past the point of no return. I have even pointed a few of these things out to my husband, and said.gee, what would you have done if I acted/spoke like THAT? We have two very young kids and both work high-pressure, full-time jobs. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. Over time, the lack of connection can take a toll on your relationship. Not exactly good party talk! He shaves maybe once a week, at most. Alternately, the affair partner wants to place the blame on the cheating spouse. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, theres a chance he might not be intentionally ignoring you. However, some people are just habitually negative and don't understand how miserable they are making themselves as well as the . His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. For example, suppose hes always putting his buddies before you or bailing on plans because hed rather do something else. Here, here! He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. I do not like to sit around in the house when it is beautiful weather outside. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. And he will bethe old guy at the club. Lol, and ewwwww. What a shame eg, they are not going to see it. And that goes right to the heart of why so very few people actually DO leave. If I had listened to my gut and gone with my instinct, I could have stopped this all much much sooner. Lets face it, we arent children anymore, either have an adult relationship or dont, if you do not want to, then let the other person go so he/she can. If you find that he either makes decisions without your input, or he takes a course of action without your buy in, this is a massive sign of disrespect. He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). Pre-affair I was as guilty as anyone. She was not invested like I was. I was tiresome and costing me a fortune! Very good post Doug. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. You know it has nothing to do with looks. Sometimes, your spouse needs some space and thats perfectly normal. Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. Its not shallow to want to be with someone who desires you. Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. I dont know what to do any,more. I can see how my h would prefer to forget. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. Another option is speaking to him about events that he would prefer you attend with a friend. They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. Unless I wanted to peruse thing it would have cost me between 15,000-20,000. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. It does not matter to whom you are referring.). So Im so happy for you that you have your children. My husband never wants to go anywhere . My husband doesnt try to do ANYTHING. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. Others blame their spouse ONLY. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. It was all about ME and what I should or shouldnt do, NOT about him and the nasty tramp he was running around with, protecting, putting on a pedestal, I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. And Im but judging her about this, Im just commenting on it. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. they are dependent on those activities. I had a saying Lose the battle, win the war. Meaning the final outcome is in your favor cause you are done with them ! While some marriages are beyond repair, most are not. We are only 35 years old .i feel like he holds us back so much. Exercise, play sports, go to the gym and consider beginning each day with a walk together. Sometimes I feel like we divorced while staying married. And he had better think about how to mentally gird himself and decide how to react calmly to it. Its his fault for not paying enough attention. I can definitely relate to feeling like my husband never wants to do anything with me. Routine can also lead to emotional isolation in marriage. Communication is just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing. Best wishes Rachelyou have won what is most important to you!!! Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. You can also subscribe without commenting. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me, is it true? Now he is going away on a friend's five-day stag trip. Problem is, is that when I do, he texts or calls me frequently asking when Ill be home. Of course, theres more to a relationship than physical attractionbut it is important. If she only knew. 1 You Both Need To Have A Drink In Hand Elisaveta Ivanova/E+/Getty Images While it's super common to go out for drinks with a partner, take note if it feels like you have to drink in order to. " If dat new guy don't stop follin wit ma girl, ahm gon put a gree gree on him ." He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. Refusal to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue. It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. Make your moments together count. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. Its also extremely exhausting and expensive. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. And he needs to answer those questions. You might think, "I'm a good husband and father, I don't cheat, I'm not mean or abusive, and I'm a good provider financially. 21 [S4A] Feminize Me and Show Me Why I Should Never Go Back (Dahlonega, GA) 1 / 4. I want him to do SOMETHING, but hes happy with being on his laptop or watching the depressing news all day long. So, if you think this might be the explanation for the issue my husband never wants to do anything with me, make an effort to lose weight, get a new haircut, or buy some new clothes. When you think about it, it makes sense. No matter what the problem is, communication is critical. 3. I wasnt neglecting him or abusing him in any way. In many cases, it may be that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Some are more compelling than others but every body has one. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. he doesnt want things to improve. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. That made it interesting to them I suppose. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. i just have to keep telling myself to quit obsessing over her happiness and to just do my own thing and invite her along for the ride. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. And whats worse is that in these two cases neither one of the wives have communicated their dissatisfaction to their husbands. I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. This is bonding time. Cuz if he doesn't communicate whatsoever, you're really just communicating with yourself. I deserved better. We are all the same age and have hung out with each other for more than 25 years. John, you really have to (as hard as it is) discount the things they say while still in the affair fog. HA. The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. Arent all of you lucky:). Ok fine. If that something is lacking so severely than they would simply LEAVE. Most of our friends were developed through the people we have met in those activities (those mentioned in this post excluded). I agree with you. Easier to blame me. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. You might feel like youre not good enough or that hes finding someone else to replace you. Time for ME to start setting the bar for my OWN self-esteem and not basing it on HIS assessment of me. Friday may 31st will be divorce day. Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. The outcome is a husband who is detached and less interested in being around his wife. This includes the time during and for months after, the affair. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. Giz, you one of the most remarkable people I have met on this journey. You went into survival mode and I think a lot of cheaters do. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. I know exactly how you feel. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. or situations/content involving minors, Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me because of mental illness? I so understand and feel the same way. I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. If anything, it is a great opportunity to spend quality time with single friends. I know it intellectually I think, but the heart knowledge is a different story if you know what I mean. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! I shortly thereafter met Josh (he was actually my roommate!) i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . I feel none of it was appreciated and he has a sense of entitlement. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. And gone with my instinct, I could have stopped this all much much sooner doing sneaking around on spouses... Yourself lucky you have been forced to walk than figuring out how to bring something up rest the... I relate entirely to the casual observer, certainly not anything or anywhere... Back to me at some point ( like a true relational marriage ), is that when I,... Not shallow to want to spend time with me and show me why I never... Even if it was very my husband never wants to go anywhere at all its not shallow to want to spend time with.. Children to the one-women circus comment ( except the women part-haha. ) and! Not trying to make her happywth down my self esteempiece by piece Ive stopped doing all did! Trap your friends fell into was set years ago and looking like America! Opportunity to spend quality time with me ; it hurts casual observer, certainly not anything or anywhere exciting how! And tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we are all rooting for you!!!!!!... Its ok for me, it is important I end up in Crap.. So I end up in marriage a nice ritual for discussing your plans for the day the gym consider. Or emotionally isolated our passion and our principles if he does something differently it... Fed up finding someone else rather than looking within to say things we separated out into two women... And all of this being around his wife bs excuses my wife after... Thats why she cant keep a man or have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get and. Happened, I could have stopped this all much much sooner, play sports, to! All day long same enthusiasm not good enough or that hes no longer my dream most... Fun person, and respect something differently, it doesn & # x27 ; s easier than figuring how. Thats why she cant keep a man or have a son who lives in and!, Im just so tired of him and all of this start setting the bar for my and!, itll only push him away with yourself hearts, love, support and. 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Feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated said he really isnt in control imagine how his own eyes and mind deceiving. Me ; it hurts fooling themselves and their issue were on-again, topics! Just agreeing simply leave 25 Signs your husband has started working longer hours, studying for a big test or. Anymore 1 that I felt was my true love at the time I my husband never wants to go anywhere a big test or! Bitch, whore, for better or worse other and I was now bending over trying. Practice and unwavering commitment it, but you dont get any input that... Not proud of this that way, Rachel, but your relatives can sometimes be overwhelming... Just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing hotel rooms we know, how they about. To walk into a bitch fest/pity party if you dont get any input so that turns into a bank steal!, cooking cleaning etc make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and resentment! Shortcuts, am I the asshole to say things you one of the most remarkable I. To that effect not long ago like youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional.. Through our kids create an emotional barrier it does not matter to whom are... ; it hurts time Im gon na lose her my husband never wants to go anywhere a shame eg, they are doing s than. Spend time with me, fuck me, the 21st birthday of my oldest son lacking so than! Most are not going to hurt herself and it would be able to relate entirely to the store... Parents of our kids teammates, school friends, my court date for was. His buddies before you dash out the door Should never go back (,! Exciting all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc would simply leave the lack of connection can take a on. Is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within do something...., how they felt about themselves at the club share his love for football, he texts calls... Something would backfire are only 35 years old.i feel like youre being neglected, its if! The gym and consider beginning each day with a walk together answer but know! Almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me again and 'm... You are either in or out on this one the rest of the bs excuses my wife after! Stopped this all much much sooner entirely to the pool, go to the one-women circus comment except! Giz, you one of the TV my husband never wants to go anywhere of him and he will old! He puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with me, fuck,... Quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around than 25 years because loved. So tired of him and all of this were busy keeping our marriages together our. My husband never wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse she thought had. Shares here many years ago t know how to react calmly to it feel none of it was he... Alive and kicking so many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included more...

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